without wishful thinking

November 26th, 2008 - 

Happy Thanksgiving, guys! I made a list this evening of everything I could think of that I have to be thankful for, and it was ridiculously long. By the time I quit, I didn’t feel anywhere close to the end. It’s humbling to think of all the things that I take for granted — I have so many wonderful things to be thankful for that I can’t even list them all. I hope all of you are with family and friends, and also remembering how much you have to appreciate and thank God for.

My grandmother passed away last Wednesday morning. She was ready to be with her Lord, and also with her husband, my Papa, who died in August. I will miss having her here, because she had one of the most generous and loving spirits I’ve ever known anyone to have, and she was so much fun to spend time with — both of them were. I have a hard time not wondering what I might have learned from them if I’d have taken more time to. My grandfather had an incredible green thumb, and grew some of the most beautiful orchids in the world. My grandmother had family stories I still haven’t heard, and probably never will. For me, at least, one of the hardest parts is dealing with the missed opportunities. That being said, though, I am very blessed to have had the time I had with both of them, and while I’ll miss them both, they both knew the Lord and are with Him now, which is wonderful.

It’s only been a half-week at work because of the holiday, and it’s strange because everybody sort of has that Friday-attitude on Tuesday (lots of them took today off), making it very difficult to stay focused on work. My task this week has been exporting hundreds of database tables, and it’s an extremely tedious one — not hard, but repetitive, while still requiring full concentration. Things like that make me mentally and physically tense, and on several occasions today I found that I had to make a conscious effort not to stop breathing. I left work around five today, feeling somewhat dizzy and light-headed. When I close my eyes for a second, I see access tables scrolling up across my eyelids. My job can be so funny that way.

Tota is home! After a healthy stint in Bolivia with Peace Corps, she’s finally returned to us, and I couldn’t be happier. She brought her new puppy and tons of stories, I’m sure, and I can’t wait to catch up with her. So please, if you know Tota (or even if you don’t; as she’s surprisingly stranger-friendly), leave her a comment or an email to welcome her back to the country.

I played with inventing some muffin recipes the other night: A citrus almond-toffee muffin, and a curry-spiced persimmon muffin. For my first attempt at inventing muffin recipes from scratch, I was pretty pleased with the results — they could use some work for sure, but they weren’t inedible, and I know what to do to improve on them. It’s an exciting process, I’ve found, and something that really relaxes me. The more I think about it, the more I think that I could see myself doing something like baking for a living somewhere down the road.

Another perk to spending a couple of hours in the kitchen: perfect opportunity to listen to new music. Apparently, people have known about these things called “podcasts” for a long time. Technically savvy though I may be, I’d not until recently caught on to the usefulness of such a thing. It’s highly likely that most of you, while reading my pitiful whining in my last post about not knowing where to go to discover new music, were thinking “has she never heard of podcasts? What’s wrong with her?” And you have every right to be concerned. Anyway, the point is that I think podcasts are a fun thing to listen to while baking, and I’m particularly fond of NPR’s podcasts — all of my favorite radio programs are there, and I’m loving it. It’s an easy way to find good new songs without trying. The internet has quite nearly redeemed itself.

I was sifting through old notes in my planner today, looking for any major projects I might’ve forgotten to list as goals, and found this: aliciabock.etsy.com. Her photographs are beautiful, particularly the viewfinder photos with warmer tones, and I’m trying to justify buying a couple of her prints. So far, it hasn’t been working, but mostly because I can’t think of anywhere to put them, especially after the painting I bought in Athens.

I finally talked Mandy into taking a trip to Athens with me. Day trips to Athens are sort of a guilty pleasure for me, since it’s a town filled with lots of little things I love: downtown shops with handmade, fair-trade / imported things.. vintage clothing, books. There’s Wuxtry Records and OK Coffee (mm), the botanical gardens, dozens of good music venues if I’m there at night, and the cream of the crop: Agora. It’s a tiny little junk / antique shop, which apparently has dozens of vendors working there sort of like consignment. Anyway, it’s about the most exciting place to poke around, and I always find sunglasses or coffee mugs or something to take home. Friday, I found a painting. It has no signature, and it’s a pretty crudely sketched and painted beach scene — either by a very amateur painter, or somebody who wanted it to look that way. The colors are beautiful, and I’m really fond of the technique.. there are big brown flowers lining the sand. It was $10. I find a weird sort of comfort in not knowing who to attribute the painting to. I wish there were places I could go to stumble upon art like this more often.

I’m going to work on the design some more — I have more ideas I meant to use, but I guess I got a little overzealous the other night. It’s been really nice having time to work on things like this — it reminds me that I don’t, in fact, hate design, I just hate feeling forced to sit at a computer for too long. So this is good. And it feels good to write here again.

listening to: Loney, Dear — Airport Surroundings (I’m excited about this cd…)

winter skies and a great time for new music

November 12th, 2008 - 

1. So I have my mechanic’s phone number memorized. Why is it that car problems always happen in great big bunches? I love my car, and I have tried so hard to be good to it — regular oil changes, tune-ups, annual car wash, the usual. But these past four months have seen SIX visits and almost $1000 go to the mechanic, the vast majority of that just happening in the past four weeks. It seems like every other day, I’m either picking up my car, finding something horrible has gone wrong, or taking it back to my mechanic. I’m starting to think that either I have a really bad car, a really bad understanding of car maintenance, or else a really bad mechanic. But despite all of the complaining (and I’m sorry guys, I know it’s been a lot), I love my car, and I like ol’ Ted pretty well, too, so it must just be me. What am I missing here?

2. It is never too late to learn new tricks, even if it is terribly embarrassing to be learning how to ride a bike in public. And trust me — it is embarrassing. But once I get over the initial “I am far too old to be wishing I had training wheels” stage, it’s actually tremendously fun. I stole Mandy’s bike while she and Brian were in the mountains last weekend, and it was a blast, even those times where I almost died. I like it lots better than running, as far as exercise goes (but that being said, I can now run a 5k! Whoo!), but unfortunately bikes cost money, and therefore will have to wait, thanks to the splurge macbook purchase.

3. Which brings us to: Macbook. I love it. That is on the record, for all of you who, like me, thought “hmm… could I really buy a mac?” Yes, you could, you can, and you will love it. I really wish life in general would slow down enough for me to play around with all of this software (did I promise a new website? I think maybe I did…), and internet at the house would be a bonus, but I’m getting there. I’m hoping for some ideas soon, especially since I’ve been thinking about screenprinting a lot lately, and maybe that will lead to some other two-dimensional inspiration? Who knows. Just earlier this evening I decided on a whim to dig through a stack of old burned cds, and came across one labeled “2003 backup, fonts, old mp3s.” I put it in because of the “old mp3s” label, which turned out only to be a couple dozen Radiohead songs, but the “backup” category turned out to be a veritable goldmine of old files. Literally dozens of my old website templates are on this cd, not even including the multiple revisions of “TheStags.com,” Everworship, and various other photos and web design ideas. I had always hoped these files still existed somewhere, so it’s basically like Christmas. If you see cartoon pink flamingos littering superamy.com in a few days, don’t be surprised. These things make me unpredictable.

4. On a more serious note, my grandmother needs prayer. She has been undergoing treatment for liver cancer for a while now, but it has progressed to its final stages — it’s in her brain now, and she was admitted to Hospice this morning. They’re stopping treatments. She and I have gotten especially close these past few months since I’ve been staying with her regularly, and it is very hard for me to see the mental affects it’s having on her. Please remember her in your prayers.

4. While I’ve enjoyed the refreshing feeling of getting my old music collection back, it turns out that most of the old music I didn’t already have is music I don’t really feel like listening to anymore. My car is really the only place I get to listen to music anymore anyway, and since I haven’t HAD my car half of the time, I’m feeling deprived of any kind of variety. I never have time to hunt down new music, and instead have to rely on the recommendations of my more musically-inclined friends (when they’re in town at least — you know who you are.), which is just tricky and unpredictable. Lately though, I’ve had a strange craving for old country/folk music (Townes Van Zandt, Gillian Welch, Kelly Joe Phelps and the like) and also for new pop music. I re-discovered that new song by Ben Folds and Regina Spektor at the Village Grille tonight, and realized that it reminded me of this song by Hot Chip. Which reminded me of the muxtape I discovered that song on, which reminded me that muxtape was shut down, since music is not allowed to be shared, and now I don’t know what I’m supposed to do to hear new music. I guess the short-term solution would be to stop overthinking things, but this whole lack-of-music thing is really starting to get to me. It’s a good thing I like my job, or this whole 40+-hours-a-week thing would really be a bummer. (**Another really great song I remembered yesterday: The Rolling Stones – “She’s a Rainbow”. Maybe YouTube is the new Napster?)

5. The sky looks differently mid-November than it does any other time of the year. Please look at it as often as you can, because it won’t last for very long — try to catch it when it’s full of blackbirds. I am enjoying Autumn so much this year, and I think it’s because I was in England this time last year, and missed seeing this. It works both ways, though — every time I add a sweater or a scarf or a coat, or when I stumble upon one of Kelley’s photos of Winchester, I get pretty nostalgic. But it’s a good thing, and not a bad thing. And it’s good to have those photos back, too.

listening: Julie Miller – Maggie